CAKES FOR KRIS

E-mail about faith to my buddy Polish Kris 

'I do have faith.

I wouldn't say i'm religious though.

 I guess the old catholic rituals are ingrained in me from my  irish childhood....you know like guilt and praying...essentially you're talking to someone who doesn't actually exist but loves you unconditionally and never leaves your side.....they also will forgive you for everything..henious crimes...swearing....lying...etc

...and basically no human will ever be that reliable.

Except dogs....they will love you without exception and will not judge you for doing bad things, they will still think youre awesome.

I think it's the ritual part that alienates people because it's learned and it's kinda cult-ish, bit Jonestown massacre vibes and the catholic church are the worlds greatest mess when it comes to abuse of power in the darkest form 

So when I think of the catholic church....it feels more like a coven than anything else and way closer to hell than heaven.

I know innate reactions i have, to certain situations creep me out on a regular basis.....this includes prayer, actual get down on your knees and pray prayer, palms together, eyes closed, head bowed like a snowdrop the whole shebang. My knees always feel cold  knees when i smell or hear choirs singing, like when people lose an arm and can feel pain or the sensation of it still....

That's called phantom limb!

I mean the whole knees thing is so desperate, pitiful even, the begging.... but sometimes getting on your knees gives you perspective and you know what its kinda funny but i think its got a lot to do with being closer to the ground, closer to the earth. It makes you feel safe.  

Sometimes it's the Our fathers and Hail Mary's, those come without thinking when i freak out, its like woooaaahhhhhhh PRAY 

Usually admitting you need help is like you realize that it wasn't that dark and that actually against your preconceptions you weren't blind at all...but you'd forgot to open the shutters. Like thinking you've lost your sunglasses when youre actually wearing them on your face.

Perspective goes out the window when you have a melt down.

It's kinda like putting a cake in the fridge and closing the door, you know the cake is in there, you don't need to keep opening the door and looking at it

It's about knowing.

And that's faith.

Never questioning that the cake is in the fridge even though you can't see it is faith in yourself and your own reality.

Also  it's worth noting that you don't know what it tastes like until you've eaten some yourself.

And for the most part that's enough to stop you from thinking you will ever die of starvation.....

From lack of food

Or lack of love

Or friendship .....

It's a bit X files but you gotta believe in everything

Otherwise you're cutting out a whole section of really cool fun stuff that's unproven. ...like ufo's, aliens, Bigfoot...etc

They're kinda metaphors for not becoming too scientific or serious, this is a bad idea because.....

1. It's  boring

&

2. It allows for miracles

And they happen

Against all odds

Human spirit is a Bigfoot 

Look at all the mad unexplained stuff people have done, super human strength, surviving certain terminal illness, it's just about dreaming you can and then knowing that you have that cake in the fridge.'