Friday, 27 August 2010

SPEARSMINT RHINO


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The new POP magazine with that iconic celestial face of pop music that is Britney Spears on the cover.

Firstly there are two deliciously hazy, sunburst-y covers to choose from. Above Cover 1, the immediate thoughts that came tap dancing into my mind were of the tragic child pageant beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey. Maybe thats just the tiara and the freshly blown out golden halo of blonde hair so popular with beauty queens, child stars etc...or the spray of teeny white flowers around the crown of the head? or the big doe eyes? or the pink lipstick on those perfect cupids bow lips stretched nervously over bleached out pearly white teef?

This is starting to sound like one of those books that tells you how write a number one pop song....except this is with human beans not music....it's a formula....15 extra eyelashes here, some botox there, some hyper shiny bulking extensions for that, spray tan all over, vaseline on the teeth, lipo underneath, lose two extra ribs to accomodate 300 fast backflips in row then into the splits, extra artificial cartilage in the hips for that and all before the the age of 11.....

Squeezed to one side by the undeniably seedy sexy undertones of Courtney Love, also a fan of the tiara for casual outings, but to be honest, tiara's aside, i think they just look the same.

It makes total sense that Cindy Sherman's name is on the cover too (it comes with a free bookzine by the artist like some smaller twisted side order of a three toothed teratoma twin).

Cindy + Britney = Cibri (sounds like a delicious cocktail (ps. I know it sounds like seabreeze with out the z))

In my opinion a beautiful fusion of perfectness like chips and tomato ketchup, bananas and white chocolate, beans and cheese, beer and peanuts, Hula Hoops and Primula spreadable cheese in a tube with ham bits....


Cindy Sherman's, Untitled 276

All of this gorgeousness is jizzed up with some Japanese cartoon characters and happy, open mouthed, giggling flower face fonts by Louis Vuitton favourite Takeshi Murakami. Makes you think of those Vending machines where Japanese business men can buy day old knickers. Talking of underwear vending machines and the obvious fucked up slash amazing Japanese porn insinuations the second cover number 2 is pretty hot. Love a teenage bride in swimwear with her honeymoon gear in her back pack all ready to go.



.... and after all that..... it's just brit brit shot through a lens with what looks to have a reasonably intense layer of vaseline smeared over it.

I love it/them both/everything.

1 comment:

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